RIP, My Love, My Life. I wish I was with you.

So as many of you have gathered, I’ve suffered a great loss recently. My boyfriend of three years was killed in a car crash last Tuesday morning. He was the sole fatality in a single car accident, where speeding was likely the cause. Unfortunately, I watched the video, and there is almost no question he died instantly, which should give me some little relief. I wanted to clear up any misinformation for anyone who suspected overdose. This is without a doubt the most heart-wrenching, indescribably painful, life crushing tragedy I have ever experienced. It’s taken me this long to even turn on my computer. Obviously, daily haiku’s are put on hold for a while. This Labor Day weekend during the three night Phish run at Dick’s Sporting Goods in Commerce, CO would have been our three year anniversary. I still plan on attending, despite how painful it may be. We met on PhantasyTour.com when I sold him a TAB ticket for 4 hits of acid. I was with someone at the time, but little did I know I had found my soul-mate and after about 4 months of friendship and Phish tour, we finally made it official at Dick’s 2011. We had three wonderful, loving, kinky, laughter filled, years. We both struggled massively with severe addictions to both heroin and meth, but we had come a long way and he had recently graduated from rehab. NO matter how carefully I tried to compose them, I have no words to describe what a devastating experience this has been and how how utterly and completely destroyed I feel. It’s not that I don’t want to live life, I would just rather be with him where ever he is. At this point my world is so dark, I seem to have forgotten what light is like and have little faith that I’ll experience it again. Although time has shown me that eventually life keeps going after these kinds of tragedies, although I don’t know how. I sincerely wish I was in the car with him, or even instead of him. Greg, I cannot express how deeply I loved you. I would give anything in this universe to have you back by my side to share every detail of life with. I’m so unbearably sorry for anything I’ve ever said or done that would make you doubt that. I would trade my entire life for just one more day with you. Just one more chance to tell you how much I love, to kiss you, to hold you, to just be in your presence. You were there for me when times were darkest and helped me see that light was possible. And now it’s all gone again and I have no idea how I’m going to make it through without you. Please be there for me when it’s my turn to pass to the other side. Neither of us were perfect. But you were perfect for me. Please forgive me for all my wrongs and remember my love for you. I wish everyone had the chance to know the wonderful, caring, loyal, sweet-hearted, brilliant, creative and truly unique person that you were. You’re passion for life was contagious and you brought out the best of me every single day of our lives together. You helped to form a large part of me, a good part that wants to take control of her own life. There will not be a moment of any day that I will not think of you and long for you. I never believed in soul mates, but you are my soul mate. There’s nothing more to say. I don’t know when the next time I’ll have the strength to blog again, but I’m trying to pull my life together. I just don’t know how long it will take me. Here’s the story if anyone cares to read it. Just a short blurb that ended my entire life. http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-crash-fire-110-freeway-downtown-20140729-story.html

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