Well, readers… It’s been a good run. But I’m afraid the gig is up. My true intentions have been exposed, by a fellow blogger none the less, and after deliberation and council with my higher-ups, I’ve decided to come clean to you. I thought I had a pretty good cover going, luring people over to the dark side, until I had them just where I wanted, stumbling through life blindly, deluded by a false sense of security in their sinful opiate haze. And just when they’d least expect it, like the Hammer of Thor, I’d unleash the full force of the American legal system and have those junky sinner locked up so fast they wouldn’t even have time to pack their Methadone before withdraws hit in the slammer. Ha! Serves them right anyway. That’s right. I had you all fooled, didn’t I. I’m a proud informant performing my patriotic duty, a secret agent for the War on Drugs, a voluntary informant for the American government. I am the enemy! I will not rest until all of you weak-spirited drugged-up, hippie junky people are all locked away for good!
Had you fooled didn’t I? You thought I just sat around all day sticking needles up my arm and nodding off in sinful bliss. But I suppose I too must have an imperfection, although I’ve yet to determine where I went wrong. I had been working diligently for the American government to take down a menace to the War on Drugs, the fellow blogger I mentioned. Things were all going according to plan. After many months of carefully working my magic, I felt confident that my strike would be eminent and merciless. But my confidence was my downfall. Just like the menaces I justly put away, I let my guard down. After all my hard work, just when I thought I had him, he inexplicably severed communication without an explanation.
I spent many hours pondering the implications of this silence. Could he have figured me out? If so, how? Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to get to the bottom of this. Putting on my best junky interpretation, I once again reached out in the hopes of salvaging the countless hours I spent laying my web of treachery. As I waited his reply, I hoped that it was all a misunderstanding and there was another explanation for his radio silence.
Then quicker than I expected, an email response popped in my in-box! My heart skipped a beat as I hoped beyond hope for another explanation, quickly skimming the contents, I read the words I had prayed I’d never read. “…. Blah, blah, blah… something you said…. Blah, blah, blah… increased probability…blah, blah, blah… informant…!”
My heart sank as my worst fears were confirmed. My gig was up. My cover blown. What are my higher ups going to say? How am I going to salvage my career? Will I ever be able to fulfill my dream of creating an American utopia where our streets are free of drug using scum?
And if anyone believes that, I have some land in Florida that I’ve love to sell you. Do not be offended, dear reader. I have nothing but the utmost respect for you. I am confident that my readers are an above average group of people, with superior IQ’s and beautiful free-thinking minds. But unfortunately, the part about one of my readers believing I am an informant is 100% true. In case anyone else here has any doubt, let me put your mind at ease, and inform you that I am not. The idea is beyond preposterous.
While admittedly the knowledge that one of my associates thinks I’m a snitch, is repulsive and makes my stomach turn, if someone wants to believe something about you and has decided not to trust you, there is absolutely nothing you can do to change their minds. It sucks, but you just have to let it go.
I could get angry and try to defend myself and get myself all worked up into a tizzy. But that wouldn’t do anything to improve the situation. If anything, it might make matters worse.
That thing that really gets me about this, putting aside any personal feelings around that relationship, is that is just another manifestation of how heroin addicts are constantly being misjudged, distrusted and discriminated against. Especially when we’re vocal about it. The implication was that I was so vocal and spoke so freely and openly about my use, without free of law enforcement knocking on my door, that I was either foolish, or I was working with the law to, I don’t know, I guess bait people into telling me things so I could inform on them. And from someone who had previously supported my efforts to encourage people to out themselves because it is the only way to draw attention to the sheer magnitude of the situation. But when I walk the walk and actually do live my life openly, I’m either daft or in bed with the enemy.
It’s bad enough when it comes from the outside world. But you get used to it. That’s an everyday occurrence. But when it comes from someone who’s supposedly on your side, who’s supported you in your effort, who you’ve collaborated with, who’s been on this side and knows what it’s like and supposedly agrees with you, it’s cuts to the core. But, I guess I’m an idealist. I want to see the good in people. I want to believe that people can make a difference and I blindly trust everybody and I always assume people are being sincere with me. But I guess the reality is much bleaker than I’d like to believe.
That being said, the overwhelming majority of people that I’ve met through my blog have been unbelievably supportive and warm and encouraging. I know it’s a relatively small, but loyal following and cannot express enough how appreciative I am for that support. I do put a lot of effort into this blog, I want it to be fun and entertaining, as well as informative and educational. And I do put myself out there, to a degree that shocks many people. But I feel that it is important for somebody to at least try to set the record straight. I don’t get involved with many activist activities, or go to rallies or write my congressman. I’m a writer, so my contribution, the way I believe I can make the biggest difference is through my writing. I can reach individuals that way, and they can put a face to name. So that’s what I choose to do.
All that being said, I hold no ill-will for being called an informant. Not everybody is going to agree with how I conduct my life, or understand why I do what I do – junky or not. But if there is anyone else out there who hold similar sentiments, I just want to go on record and assure you, that is the farthest things from the truth. I see no reason to ever discuss the subject again, so I’m putting it to bed.
And that sounds like a pretty good idea, so I think I’ll put myself to bed now too.
Peace and Love Readers